why being a foster parent isn't easy

so we've had our 4 year old foster child for one year this month.

when the state called a year ago to do the placement, rob and i were only interested in adopting but we thought taking a foster child in would be a good test run to make sure we could handle the responsibility that goes with having a child.

when the call came, they said this 3 year old only needs a place for the weekend.

the weekend turned into 2 weeks.

that turned into 2 months.

it's now been a year. in that time there's been all sorts of things have been started then back tracked. in addition, a change in a parents address means a whole new county has jurisdiction.  the 4 year old is now on her 4th case worker in 1 year.  that's 4 people who have been brought up to speed with the backstory.  4 people to work with in getting her what she needs.

a text book case of what makes being a foster parent not so easy.

i look at it like this: the foster parent/s [along with the child] are the lowest rung on the totem pole. on the top, in terms of 'power' [information & influence] are the parent/s who have had their children taken away. everything that happens is a function of what they do and don't do. if the parent/s clean up their act, the kids will likely be returned.

after the parents, the judge hearing the case has the power to decide what happens and when.  there are some laws that guide the timeline but generally the judge is the decisionmaker.

after the judge, the case worker has information and can make recommendations on how to proceed.

after the case worker, comes the foster parents, and last but not least, the child.

it's difficult to make plans and think about the future when you have no idea how things will play out and when. we've not had to experience a child being returned home and the expected heartbreak but we're readying ourselves. it won't be easy and unfortunately, the 'system' seems to be built to make the process as difficult as possible on the foster parents. by this i mean the foster parents are given so little influence and are totally at the whim of everyone else higher up on the food chain.

how do i get through it? by reminding myself it's not about me, it's about the kids.